We chose to dwell only on our Beautiful Experiences

Wow! I can’t believe it’s been months since I connected with you guys. Trust me; it’s nothing intentional; life just blew me to another side but for a good course. Well it’s good to be back. I officially want to say a happy new year to you and I miss hearing and reading your thoughts. I am hoping you have kept me in your prayers as I have you in mine.


 

Today, I want to open up a part of my life to you; a lot of people have asked and still asks why I’m so into “this marriage thing”, especially counseling. In fact some asked why I am so interested in seeing couples succeed even though I may not know them. Aside from these questions, I have also received compliments on how inspiring, beautiful and perfect my marriage is. I am indeed happy that my marriage is a source of inspiration and thank you for letting it minister to you. While I don't deny the fact that my marriage is a major blessing in my life and I believe it's at a place where God wants it to be, I want you to know and understand that it wasn’t always like this. 

I might only be almost six years married but my husband and I have had our fair share of marital struggles, pain and brokenness; first year into marriage was indeed hard and frustrating!
Well, like a lot of couples, we had a lot of positive expectations and fantasies of marriage, so after the wedding I joined my husband in the United States, the journey began and the real deal started unfolding. It wasn’t unexpected that we would experience attitudes that we did not appreciate from each other; so we had prayed and were confident we would do great, but when it was finally happening we were lost for how to handle them.

My biggest struggle was submissiveness; I saw the way a lot of African women were treated by their husbands and I had vowed never to take such treatment from any man so I came fully aware of that. What I failed to understand, was that accepting to be abused was different from being submissive and allowing my husband assume his position as the head just as God made him (Eph 5:23). So here I was, ready to be the loving wife but unintentionally not the submissive one, though still determined to enjoy my marriage.

I challenged decisions that hurt my feelings, even though some were the right decisions to be made; but because I didn’t agree to it, I would still be hurt, hence push back. This brought a lot of struggles and emotional exhaustion and boy! Did I have a horrible mouth without filter. I said everything just as I saw and felt it, even though I may be speaking the truth, my communication skills were unintentionally hurtful most times. I knew I had to make conscious effort.

Don’t get me wrong, my husband wasn’t perfect either; he had his short comings, difficult ones as well, so his mixed with mine just made marriage more difficult. We argued as much as we played, and there were times I wondered what manner of man I got entangled with, how I could love and dislike someone all at once, I wondered why something so beautiful could be so painful at the same time. However, despite this roller-coaster, there was something we did intentionally; we talked about each hurting event and found a way to let go but that did not stop us from having a fresh outburst. We would cry, pray and ask why we just couldn’t do better, yet we didn’t know how to. At some point we questioned whether we made a mistake to be married.

I didn’t feel loved and my husband did not feel respected, I gave up so many times and so did he. I began to develop resentment which even made me burst out more in anger. This went on for months where it was just a mix of both joy and sadness, and then the turnaround happened. The Lord knew we needed to be rescued and we were!
If I have to write every sad encounter in my early days in marriage, I would end up writing a book or more but we chose only to dwell on our beautiful experiences, not because we don’t have history of hurts. There isn't any point dwelling on the negatives; we forgave, we learned, we healed, and in some aspects we are healing still. Marriage is a lifelong commitment so there is a lot to be learned through the journey. 


I will be opening up on how my marriage turned around for good and why you see this bond and happiness between my husband and I; it’s not fake, it’s genuine. I really love this man and I won’t trade him for the world. Do not give up on your marriage just yet, our stories may be different but I know there is something you can take from mine. Until next time; stay focused and keep trusting.




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