You sound mean but your Heart is Kind

The term; you sound mean but your heart is kind simply describes the contradiction between your intentions and your words.

Many of us go through situations and experiences that change us or make us put up walls just so we can hide our weaknesses, pain or frustration, they also make us scared, ashamed and sometimes even live in pretense so we are not judged or penalised by the society; in the long run, we gradually morph into a different person but our innate personality never changes from what God made us to be.

Sometimes, only those close to us can still say "he/she is not that way or she/he is actually a nice person" when others tend to think our actions or statements portray negativity, meanness or wickedness.

People tend to also read meanings to what we say or do based on their level of understanding and comprehension; so even though we intend to mean well, because they don't understand or are not used to that kind of act, they interpret it as something entirely different.

How do we then help those around us see our 'kind' heart instead of our 'mean' sound?

Trust me, my expressions have put me in the most akward situations  more than my intentions ever could;  eventhough I knew I wasnt a bad person. This could happen to anyone but we strive everyday to be better. 

The core in all of this is “misunderstanding/miscommunication”. Where there is no clarity, any perception is allowed; so first make sure your statement isn't maligned. You are the only one who knows you, any other person only knows the much you have shown them. 

While it can be frustrating and hurtful to be misunderstood, it doesn't necessarily mean you are a bad person and again the medium on which people analyze your personality matters as to whether you should be bothered or not so much, although a self check is always useful. For example if you are being misjudged by a random person on a social media platform, ask yourself why it means so much to not be seen as mean or unkind by people who only know you via technology and not in person; why do you need people to see you as the opposite?

Robert Brault wrote; "in the end there doesn't have to be anyone who understands you, there just has to be someone who wants to." Give clarification to those who seek it and let the ones that careless be. This is not to say mannerism and ways of communicating should not be put to check or that you should intentionally be downgrading.

Move on quickly; there isn't any need to try to convince people to think differently of you, it just make you come off as desperate and defensive, instead apologise for any misconception or if your statement was ignorant and move on, the longer you drag it the more drama you attract.

Truth comes to those who don't want to receive them as an attack, however when the right words are used at the right moments, even those who don't want to may accept or read better meanings than when not used. In essence whatever we say or intend to say, we should always try and pause, place yourself in the listener's or reader's position, then try to word it in a way that the message will portray your heart . In the end, what matters most is that your message is received as intended.

Moses&Samantha E.
Certified Marriage
 Specialists.