Now We are Married, What Next?

Effective Communication in Marriage

Communication is one of the toughest struggles couples undergo in marriage, this is simply because we are different people that have decided to live the rest of our lives together, which means we have to learn how to be compatible and deal with our differences and this cannot be achieved without communicating.  Communication goes beyond having a conversation and there is really no specific way to communicate. The bible tells the man to love his wife and wife to respect her husband, if this is the foundation of marriage, communication would be a lot easier, bearing in mind who we are about to talk with or to and the place they stand in our lives.

Every marriage is unique, each couple communicate differently. Emily may not mind her husband’s “rude’’ tone when he is angry but it may not be the same for Jess. My advice is; find out how your spouse love to be spoken to and flow with it, in as much as this doesn’t pose any danger to either of you.

Do not expect your spouse to accept another couple’s way of communication just because you assume it to be the right way, even though there are possibilities it may; Do not go through the route of comparing just to make your point, you have to make them see reasons as to why that way of communication may be best for you.

Men are created different from women; they interpret and relate to situations differently from a woman, they have a very strong proficiency in seeing a problem that needs restoring and finding a way to fix the problem. Unfortunately, in this process of restoring he may possibly not take into consideration those around him. This may be as simple as not communicating to their partner what it is they are doing or why, how or even when they want to do it.

Women on the other hand may communicate just to feel more connected to their spouse or to express their emotions. This is usually the time we are most vulnerable, we only want to pour out our hearts just to be heard, not necessarily to fix anything or to be in control. We also tend to be the ones to speak up first, while men tend to be more of thinkers and just deal with things internally most of the time, hence the way you communicate to a woman may not work for a man.

           

 The Do’s and Don’ts of Marital Conversation

Work out your anger before engaging in a conversation

Try to wait until you are less angry before having a conversation, this will help have a less tense environment

Talk face to face 

It is best to talk when both parties are present and can see each other and make eye contacts, especially when talking about things beyond the surface. This help not to have lots of misunderstandings because trust me there would still be misunderstandings and misinterpretations, but it gives us the opportunity for instant clarifications without further damages. However other means of communication could be used if facial communication is not possible for some reasons, maybe you live in a different location from your spouse; although this could increase chances of misunderstanding. Talking face to face helps to connect more to the emotions of your spouse and could help you understand how they feel just by looking at them.

Turn off every distraction

When having a conversation; turn off TV, phones or anything that could be a form of distraction. This helps you focus more, show respect and value for you relationship  

Listen to Understand and Acknowledge Intentions and Feelings

During a conversation, there is always the possibility of wanting to defend the point or reply when your spouse is making a point. Listening to understand and trying to be empathetic without being defensive will help to have a productive conversation. Acknowledging the other persons feelings assures them that their intentions or feelings are important and this would help deescalate any tension and create room for better communication.

Do not be carried away by winning

As a couple, there is no me or you, it is US. The moment either of you start thinking about winning or being right, then you have both lost. Focus on resolving the issue and finding a better way of approach in case such arises next time

 Focus on the present                                                                                    

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is bringing back past event. This is a major communication barrier, it reopens wounds and hurts and that is not healthy for marriage at all. Focus on the current issue and let by gone be by gone.

Do not make it an opportunity to be hurtful

When you decide to have a conversation, this is not the time to say hurtful things, let out your anger in a hurtful way or get back at your spouse. This will only turn the conversation into an argument. You may still be angry or hurt, but you have to choose the right words to let out your frustration and in marriage there is no getting back at, we disagree and makeup.