The First Year of Marriage doesn't have to be Horrible

For this cause, shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined unto his wife and they two shall be one flesh (Eph 5:31). Then the marriage official goes ahead to say, "I now pronounce you, husband and wife". This is the beginning of a journey that is meant to be forever; for many, it is the beginning of a contract that can be terminated at will whenever it turns out to be too tough or whenever they feel as if it isn’t working out as they had envisaged, while for some others, it is the beginning of getting everything they had always wanted.

After everyone is gone and the party is over, reality sets in, he wants to be respected and treated like a king, she wants to be adored, adorned and pampered, then expectations kick in. The first year or firsts few years turns out to be one where each partner tries to change the other. They come in with so much expectations of what their partner should be giving or doing; and that is the beginning of disappointment and dissatisfaction.  But the first year of marriage really doesn’t have to be hard with the right attitude, preparation and information.

Often times, the question of whether they love each other is not necessary because they really do, and it is obvious. But each one often wonder if they did the right thing as they begin to discover new attitudes and characters in their partner that they never knew was there; independent of how long they have dated or being together, as they begin to realize how much they have to give up and how little they get, each begin to feel cheated and used.

As mentioned earlier, with the right attitudes, preparation and information, the first year doesn’t have to be as bad, I will now share a few tips that can help you have a better first year and if you have passed that one year mark and are still having difficulties, it is not too late to start afresh and I believe that coupled with the right association and prayers, you can have a better and more enjoyable marriage.

Talk about your expectations before marriage.

We all have expectations, but going into marriage with the expectations of a perfect partner is very unrealistic, talking openly aboput our expectations helps to clear the air about many issues that may arise later. Be open and honest when talking about it, you may realize how much you do not know about your partner.

Be prepared to learn and adjust

Entering into marriage with an open mind knowing that there are a lot to learn about and from your spouse prepares your mind for when you discover new attitudes and flaws in your partner. The first year of marriage or first few years is a period for adjustment, be willing to adjust, no matter how closely related your values are, you are still two different individuals so don’t expect your partner to be you or try to be your partner.

Constantly speak positivity in your partner and your marriage.

Job 22:28 – Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee: and the light shall shine upon thy ways. The bible encourages us a lot to use our tongue positively cause in it lies the power of life and death.

Do things together, create routines

This has helped my marriage numerous times, pick each other’s clothes or pick clothes together, pray together, do something you both enjoy doing, do not disregard set routines and plans no matter how tense an argument is or how angry/hurt you may be.

Fight well and fight fairly.

Misunderstandings and fights cannot be totally avoided, when it occurs learn to deal with the issues and do not play the blame passing game. Fight as a team with the common goal of making the marriage better and making your home comfortable for your partner.

Not 50/50

Marriage should be a 100/100 partnership and not 50/50 or 60/40; be fair to your spouse and do not ask for what you cannot give or are not willing to give, this includes every aspect of the marriage, finance, chores, time spent together, raising children, family. Talk about it all, be understanding and accepting, nothing stays the same forever.

Be prepared for changes

Though no one prays for them but uncertainties happen, mishaps sometimes occur, be ready and willing to accept and accommodate any change that comes, child birth, sickness, job loss, etc. There will be times when you love will be tested

Be fair

A lot of what we believe about marriage and love end up working against us, who says sex, respect, honor, service is for men alone and gifts, love and pampering are for women only, we all need these things in our lives hence it will be fair to treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated, they may not reciprocate equally at first but playing your part constantly and remembering always the vows taken before God

In conclusion, 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 gives us a guide to the kind of love we should practice, with patience and prayers, the first year of marriage doesn’t have to be so difficult.

Moses I Erhabor; who happens to be my husband and the writer of this piece you just studied,is A loving husband and father that believes in the value of family and the institution of marriage as established by God, hence happily gives his all to fulfill this part of his life daily. A believer in the gospel of Jesus Christ,lover of Arts and a worshiper of the Almighty God.

watch out for next week guys,more awesome and powerful people are in line.