Finding Wisdom in Marriage

Matt 19:5-6

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 6, So they are no longer two, but one flesh; Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Marriage remains one of the best things God instituted; Beautiful, honorable and sacred. 

Described as a place, marriage to me would be serene, peaceful, clean, bright, a garden, transparent precious stones and crystal details with well-armed security to avoid invasion. A place of safety where you get everything you need.

Human relationships are the most difficult of all interactions and being a constant part of another person's life is even more complicated. When you choose to marry someone, you have signed up to be a constant part of their lives forever; unfortunately, many marriages today collapse even before they begin.

Why are there so many problems in marriages? Why does it seem as though desire diminishes after marriage? Sometimes, the more available you are the less desirable you feel, why does it sometimes hurt?

Do you feel your partner suddenly stopped loving you? Have you run out of patience? Has your marriage confronted you with the opposite of what you anticipated? Are you contemplating divorce? Just breathe...

Realize that not every relationship is the same, not every marriage is the same, in fact, most importantly; the people involved themselves are different; from upbringing, to their aspiration, to their interests, to their weaknesses, strength and so on; different situations, different dynamics but the same feeling of pain, neglect, betrayal, unmet expectations, etc. 

So if your marriage is everything you've ever hoped it would be congratulations! You are one of the few lucky ones, but then, if your marriage ever made you doubt that this institution is for you, I'm saying an even bigger congratulation. God has just given you an opportunity to work out your marriage without fear. Working out your marriage is one of the biggest tasks you might ever be faced with.

So what then happens when you do a great job at it? I say, you have achieved something that only very few people are able to. You must be a genius (on a lighter note)

If you have ever thought you were smart, calculated, diplomatic, courteous, homely, godly and ready, marriage is one thing that can bring all these to test and prove to you how life doesn't come with a manual. 

What then happens if your logic fails and you have to go to the drawing board again? Sometimes asking yourself if the choice of marrying this person was the right one after all.

Sincerely, we all go through this at one point or the other, sometimes small issues look so big to us and we start to question the foundation of everything. Nothing is as powerful as your intuition; if you think the problem is so big, it becomes so huge that it clouds your judgement of everything else. No one can tell you not to feel how you feel; no one can tell you exactly how things will be, there is no manual for some of the things we have to deal with in life. But! It's not all gloomy, It's not doom! It's not the end! It definitely isn't your end or the end of your marriage. Fight all you want but what matter is how? How do you go from where you are to where you want to be? How do you make your marriage everything you've hoped for? 

Don't seek to change your spouse- you'll be frustrated

 It takes the two of you to make things great. You can't change your partner but God can. The Holy Spirit changes us into what God wants us to be, so sorry, you can't make your spouse what you want them to be. Only God can change them into what He wants them to be; and you know what? If your heart is in the right place, that would be enough for you.

Keep the dream alive!

Don't give up on love, on life, on you. You might not be where you want to be but don't lose sight of where you want to be. Keep your expectations; but rather than focus on your partner to meet them, focus on God to work through them and focus on things you can do right.

Habakkuk 2:2 KJV

[2] And the Lord answered me, and said, write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it.

Find God's Purpose for Your Marriage

Amidst the mistakes, pain, heartbreak, happiness, blessings, fights and all that, find the place for God to fulfill His own purpose through your marriage and through your spouse. There was a bigger plan in God's mind when He instituted marriage than what we fight for most of the time. God wants us to be happy in our marriages and He also wants us to fulfill a bigger purpose through our marriages. 

Early marriage is no joke, some say it gets better after some time, some say you only learn to tolerate your partner and avoid strive. Whatever you choose to believe, I hope you stay on the side of God. He knows when it hurts so bad you want to hand over the divorce papers without looking back. He knows when nothing seems to make sense. 

God is the one who helps you make sense of everything. And one thing you should know is that while there is no one size fit all solution for the challenges we may face, there is godly wisdom to guide us through, knowing what to do at different situations is a gift you can have. 

Being able to say the right things, do the right things, think the right things, and understand where your partner is coming from, not being judgmental, accepting to compromise on things that don't contradict your moral/religious believes are some of the things that helps make it easier, these in themselves are re-formational.

No other person has the manual for marriage except the one who made it. God instituted marriage so He has the title deed for it, Marriage is beautiful and worth figuring out. I pray we all get the accurate dose of wisdom we need to make ours heaven on earth.

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Tosin Ibrahim is all about helping the young generation understand and fulfill their God-ordained purpose. She is passionate about marriage and ensuring that this institution represents God's original plan           

 Tosin is a brand management specialist and happily married with children.