First Year of Marriage doesn't have to be Horrible (4)
You came back and opened your gifts and you made enough money at the wedding to at least get an apartment, but when you think back over that time and all the money you spent for that one day you could have bought your very own home.
Now
that you are beginning this journey in an apartment with virtually no money in
the savings, You are still amp up and excited because you are so in love and
haven’t had your first giant show up in your life, so being in love the first
year of marriage goes on.
As the first year continues, things seem to change a little; your bills start to come in and you don’t feel as good as you did on the wedding day. The newness begins to wear down, the cares of the world start to show up, but not to worry; the first year of marriage doesn’t have to be horrible.
Marriage is a team sport; think of it as a basketball team: The coach must spend hours preparing offensive and defensive strategies. You need to find out the strengths and weaknesses of your team, the players must submit to its leadership or they will not win. Just like the marriage you must submit yourself to one another.
If
you want the first year to be great it is importance that the husband and the
wife pray together.
Don’t deprive one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor 7:5 (NASB)
If
you want your marriage to work you better bring God into it; Satan wants to
destroy your marriage so badly that he is looking for any way to do it!
In
your marriage, you need this triangle: husband, wife and most of all you need
God. A threefold cord is not easily broken.
In marriage, you need to be able to come together as husband and wife and face you giants together.
I
remember in the bible a story of David and Goliath, it is one of the most
famous stories in the Bible. In fact, the very mention of the name
"Goliath" has come to represent any force or challenge that seems to
be impossible to overcome. When a small nation stands up to a large nation,
they say, "David’s going up against Goliath."
Let
me give you three characteristics of a "Goliath" that you will
encounter in your marriage...
1. A "Goliath" is always a problem that is bigger than you! You look at it and it just seems impossible! Just like Goliath was bigger than David, our "Goliaths" are dilemmas that are more than we can humanly handle!
2. A "Goliath" mocks at you and defies your power to defeat him. A "Goliath-size problem" says, "You will NEVER conquer me! You’re too weak and small to face me and there is no need for you to even try, I will destroy you in time.”
3. A "Goliath" can be used by God to help you look to the power of Jesus Name, to have faith and rely upon Him. I mean if you’re facing a seemingly impossible situation (one that’s bigger than you and a problem that you have not been able to solve on your own), the best alternative you have, is to look to Someone Who is bigger than ANY hopeless problem or dilemma that can occur in your marriage. Because the greater one is within you, God also promise to be your source and be in the mist of your marriage.
If
you are not facing a Goliath today then be certain that you will face a Goliath
in your future.
Through God’s word we can find three essential strategies for having victory over the GIANTS in your first year of marriage.
Stay faithful in the small things :
Today
is an excellent opportunity to point out something that is normally missed in
this great story. Look at what David was doing that day…he wasn’t in the army,
studying how to defeat the Philistines or how to destroy the Giant. He was
fulfilling his work assignment, taking care of the sheep at his father’s house.
His father then asks him to take supplies to the front lines of battle and
check on his brothers and bring a report. He responds with active obedience but
before he leaves he insures that his personal responsibilities are covered. Before
you leave the house for the day pray together, spend time in the presence of
the Lord together. Cover your household with God’s glory.
V.20 David left the flock in the care of another shepherd. David was faithful in the small things and God honored his faithfulness. Faith is one of the Fruits of the Spirit, it was the faithfulness of David in the day to day operations of the small things that enabled him to face the lion and the bear and the small victories encouraged him when it came time to face the greater challenge.
Watching
sheep, carrying cheese to your brothers…doesn’t sound like you are
accomplishing much in this world and yet it was during his faithfulness in the
small things that God gave him the opportunity for the greater task.
Faithfulness is God’s vehicle for promotion.
Many people NEVER face their giants because they are defeated by intimidation of the enemy long before they ever engage the enemy. This truth leads me to this next point…
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. Eph 5:23 (NASB)
Take a good look at your giant:
David
realized after looking and listening to this situation that Goliath had gotten
into the heads of God’s people and struck them with fear by making them look at
their own ability to face him and not the power of God. Remember this…for 40
days Goliath NEVER shot an arrow, never threw a spear, never engaged in hand to
hand combat…He just talked and talked and talked and talked, his intent was to
destroy the troop’s morale by defeating them with a cowardly spirit not with
the sword in conflict.
The Devil does the same thing; he throws big obstacle in your pathway: sickness, financial struggle, leaving the toilet seat up, throwing dirty close around, snoring all night and you didn’t get to get a good night sleep, you feeling like your spouse doesn’t understand you anymore and you just don’t seem like you can communicate anymore and so on…
The Devil does the same thing; he throws big obstacle in your pathway: sickness, financial struggle, leaving the toilet seat up, throwing dirty close around, snoring all night and you didn’t get to get a good night sleep, you feeling like your spouse doesn’t understand you anymore and you just don’t seem like you can communicate anymore and so on…
David
received a revelation every day the army of God got ready for battle, went to
the front lines of battle but then never engaged in the battle. Fear of giants
has a way of creating a spiritual paralysis in your life.
Stay steady and focus :
Stay steady and focus :
Focus on your
marriage, not your so called friends who can become your worst Critics! David
ignored his detractors; His brothers said Goliath was unconquerable, it
couldn’t be done. The Israelite army said it couldn’t be done, the King said it
couldn’t be done, but David chose to rise above his critics; he focused not on
what others said “or what could not be done” but on what he “had seen God do
through his life in the past.”
Focus
on a consistent walk :
We
must remember that while giants have one thing in common, they are all big,
they are different and each giant must be dealt with personally. Saul attempted
to have David face Goliath by using Saul’s methods, while David attempted to
honor the counsel; he ultimately knew that he would have to fight his giant in
his own way. We cannot approach our giants trying to be someone we are not. Be
careful of the advice of your friends or the way the world says to treat your
giants.
Let’s be real and talk about it :
Husbands
and wives are to be supportive of each other:”The husband must fulfill his duty
to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 1 Cor 7:3 (NASB)
Make your wife happy :
"When
a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with
any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his
wife whom he has taken. Deut 24:5
Stay as one flesh not separate entities :
23
The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; She
shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." 24 For this
reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife;
and they shall become one flesh. Gen 2:23-24 (NASB)
Love your wife :
Love your wife :
That
is how husbands should treat their wives, loving them as parts of themselves;
For since a man and his wife are now one, a man is really doing himself a favor
and loving himself when he loves his wife! Eph 5:28 (TLB)
Remember that the Goliath in your first year of marriage don’t stand a chance to win especially when you are standing firmly in Christ.
You
must face your fears and your giants head on together! You must identify your
Giant by name, identify what the giant is attempting to do to you or your
family, and then walk in the power of God’s Spirit to meet the Giant head on. Never
again to be shaken by them. No more running from the issues.
Every
Giant has a name and in order to conquer your fears you must face your Giant by
faith, together calling that Giant by its name in prayer:
•
MARRIAGE
•
HEALTH
•
FINANCES
•
CHILDREN
•
ADDICTION
•
SPIRITUAL LIFE
•
RELATIONSHIPS
•
A DIFFICULT PAST
•
STRONGHOLD OF SIN
“The battle belongs to the Lord.”
The truth is that with every Giant you kill and God gives you victory, you’ll understand better how to face the next giant that comes into your life. Your first year doesn’t have to be horrible. Stick together, pray together, love each other, keep God in the middle of your marriage and you will have a successful marriage.
.......................................................................................
Carol Wilson is an Associated
Pastor at the First Assembly of God in Waterbury, CT, a licensed real estate agent and a Doula born
in Stamford, CT. She holds a Doctorate in Theology and is married with ten
children and many other extended children.
Carol loves to sing, dance
and write theatrical dramas; she took ballet and jazz lessons for years
and also graduated from Barbizon Modeling School in Stamford, CT.
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